Why I Stayed Single So Long — And What Finally Changed Everything

For the longest time, I used to wonder, Why I was still single. I would be on the sidelines watching my friends and family effortlessly step into perfect Christian relationships that led to marriage. Meanwhile, I stayed in waiting season—watching, hoping, and sometimes hurting.

It took me years to figure out what I was missing. But when the revelation finally hit me, I knew I had to share it with you.

What I Was Missing:

The key thing I realized.

I wasn’t including God in my relationships.
I know, I know—it sounds obvious. I thought the same thing. Back in college, I assumed that if I was dating a Christian guy and God wasn’t breaking us up, he must be on board.

But hindsight? God was probably cringing at some of the guys I was entertaining. 😅

How Do You Know If You're Not Dating God's Way?

Let’s talk signs.

1. No Boundaries

If your relationship is filled with lust and lacks emotional or physical boundaries, that’s a red flag. I talk more in depth about some of these emotional boundaries in my book at several points.

You will also know that something is wrong if your relationship is a secret. Secretive relationships, hidden from your community, usually point to something unhealthy. Darkness and light can’t coexist. If you're hiding it, ask yourself: Why?

2. Skipping the God Check

So often, I’d go on date after date without ever pausing to ask God, “Is this person even for me? “God speaks in still, small ways. But if we never invite Him into the conversation, how can we expect to hear His voice? The best thing about God is that he won’t force himself onto us. But we can benefit from consulting him. God sees what we can’t. He hears what people say about us when we’re not around. So it makes sense to include Him in the decision-making.

When I Let God In

After getting my heart broken one too many times, I finally felt God say,
"Okay... are you ready to let Me into your relationships now?"

And when I did? Everything changed.

The people I started attracting were different—men I could actually envision a future with. I wasn’t chasing them. They found me. I found contentment, even though my circumstances did not change.  Peace entered my dating life in a way I’d never experienced before. I started to ask myself  

Why didn’t I let God in sooner?

Dating God's Way Means Living in the Light

Once I let God in, I noticed one big shift: I was no longer hiding my relationships.
Whereas before, I’d date someone for 3–4 months without telling a soul, now I wanted my friends and family involved early on.

I realized that isolation breeds manipulation. Many narcissists or manipulators thrive when they can keep their partner cut off from others. In contrast, involving your community is protective. They’re not wearing rose-colored glasses like you might be. They can see red flags more clearly—and lovingly call them out.

Purposeful Dating

The biggest difference between dating God’s way and the world’s way is purpose.

When you date with God at the center, there's clarity. There's a destination in mind—marriage.
This often results in shorter dating timelines (3–6 months), especially for couples committed to abstinence. It’s not about rushing but about moving with purpose.

And here's the best part: having a clear goal helps weed out people who aren’t aligned with your values.
If you’re a clean freak and they don’t do dishes? Bye.
If you’re committed to growth and they’re complacent? Also bye.

You’re no longer just dating to pass time. You’re dating with the intention of building a life.

Singleness Isn’t a Curse

I’ll leave you with this: trust God’s timing.
Yes, the wait can be long. And yes, it can be frustrating. But that doesn’t mean your story ends in singleness.

Trust what Ecclesiastes 3 says about everything happening in his timing and relax into the wait.

Final Thought + Moment of Inspiration ✨

Before I wrap up, I want to shout out a video by Miss Midwest. She posted a beautiful reflection on 7 things she learned in 7 years of marriage. One thing that stood out to me: she’s not a “marriage at all costs” kind of woman. This means that she believed it was better to stay single than to be in a relationship that makes you feel single. She also emphasized that a Godly marriage is built on consent, honor, and mutual love—not desperation or fear of being alone.

Preparing for marriage doesn’t start when you get engaged—it starts right now in your singleness. I went over many of preparation steps in this video. .

A Quick Prayer 💬

Dear Lord,
Thank You for today. Thank You for every person reading this post. If they’ve been trying to navigate relationships without You, let today be the first step in inviting You in.
Block anything or anyone trying to distract or harm them. Lead them in Your timing, Your wisdom, and Your peace.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

If this blog resonated with you, please share it with someone else walking through this season. And if you want more encouragement on standing, prayer, and relationships, let me know in the comments—I’ve got so much more to say.

Until next time, stay faithful, stay focused, and remember to share the love of Jesus with at least one person this week.

For more singleness tips buy your copy of my book 😊

With love,
💛 Author Gabrielle Denise

Love you to the moon and back 💕
See you next week!

Author Gabrielle Denise, Gabrielle Denise, Future Husband, The in my 20’s Diaries, Since When did Single Mean Sad, christianity, christian relationships, christian relationship tips, singleness, singleness tips, godly relationships, relationship with God.